So fucking typical. Another boring night in doing the same usual shit. I've so had enough of this now. It gets to the point where their isn't enough glue in the world to fix the cracks.

I feel like we may aswell be living different lives.

Feel like it is totally fucking pointless.

Odd to think of how much I enjoyed work, and when I walk through my front door, i'm fed up

Argh...

WHAT DO I DO!!! I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE WANTS ANYMORE!!!

FED.
UP.

I never thought I could be disillusioned
keyboard as my piano, angels as my vice
slide back over nights of passion
was it worth it for you?
slowly sucking on a cigarette, come back to bed
lipstick on your shirt, he's rich, she was beautiful

not always what you want
not always what you can
but can you take that life and scream
like the voice of ten thousand ghosts, unspoken mystery in your throat

take back all those nights, it happened, but it can't happen twice
fake smiles, but did you ever hear me out
devils entwine your mind and mine
tonight we shine

not always what you want
not always what you can
but can you take that life and scream
like the voice of ten thousand ghosts, unspoken mystery in your throat

Hi all,

Well it's been a while since I blogged, and I thought I should.

I'm in a bit of a ponder, but when is that a new thing?
Had a mad last few weeks. I went to wales, and the engine in my car broke, so i've had no car for two weeks. Finally got it back yesterday, and with a new engine and extra bits, it runs like heaven.

Went out to a work incentive do a week ago which was fantastic, and the directors also took me to a Gala on Thursday which was amazing.

It makes all the hard work, stress, and frustration worth it. I just hope that it continues.

I brought a lovely dress for the Gala, which when I got out of the taxi home, as I walked through my door, burst open.

I don't know what Martin must of thought, I get out of a taxi I walk in and then i'm naked. Whoops.

Me and Martin are OK, had our ups and downs the last few weeks but i'm hoping they will get back on track soon. I think its just one of those things. Over 3 years we have been together now, things get tedious.

But hopefully things will be OK!

Everything else is the usual stressful things. Never enough money to do what I want, and always to much to do. I hate being responsible, which unfortunately has led to me wanting to drink to the point where I don't realise that their isn't a seat where i'm trying to sit.

I guess that's just life.

I'm going to see my nan and uncle tomorrow which i'm looking forward too. I miss my family so so much. If their was one thing in my life I could change, it would be closer to the people who mean everything too me.

I am also on a mission to turn into a temptress. Obviously the red hair and large breasts help, but the aim is to turn into Jessica rabbit!

Unfortunately in about 10 minutes i'm going to go and get McDonald's for dinner, so the temptressing will have to wait for a hour or so >_< heh.

Also, after all the pursing I have given Martin for us to get engaged, I am now changing my thoughts about marriage.
I think maybe its the worst thing to ever of been invented. If your going to be faithfull and only for each other, you should not need a ring and a piece of paper to confirm that. Sure I wouldn't say no to the dress and the diamonds, but hell, I would never look right in a white dress pretending to be pure. I'm about as filthy as you get, so to pretend to be angelic would be a complete opposite to what I am.

Humm.
Oh I have completed a new song/poem whatever. have a read.

Other news... I don't think their is any! Just pondering my life.. hum hum hum.

On that note, I shall go and get my McDonalds, and the mission to become a temptress shall continue.

Tootle x